Glossary of Computer Terms People are always complaining about the confusing terminology that you have to understand in order to communicate with (or about) computers. No longer. This little glossary should help you understand much better. Term What it means 640K barrier the finish line in a mega-marathon access time foreplay analog what Ana tosses into the fire assembly language put tab A into slot B, then put tab C... audit trail what the IRS does bandwidth limited by the size of the stage battery backup going in reverse in a golf cart BBS t-telling t-tall s-stories benchmark what happens when your saw hits the bench broadband an all female rock group cache memory remembering how much you spent carrier detect "I see the mail man!" CASE 24 bottles Control Character prison guard conventional memory remembering what you did at the last convention copy protection wearing a rubber copyright opposite of copy wrong cursor a garbage mouth daisy chain a dog's leash DAT the opposite of DIS deadly embrace making love to King Kong delimiter some who says, "Stop, that's enough" density how to measure IQs of blondes dhrystones the stones that were tossed out of the water DIP switch how my sister gets a new boy friend dot pitch "Dorothy winds ups, and delivers a knuckle ball" EBCDIC similar to herpes EMS happens just before PMS end user a prisoner's cell mate escape sequence Distract guard. Dig tunnel. Cut through fence Ethernet used to catch Etherbunny fixed disk a broken disk that comes back from the shop flash EPROM what they have on 90210 (Flashy Proms) flat bed scanner a hooker looking for loose change flat file a file with all the air out of it full duplex a 2-family house with 16 occupants groupware clothes swapping hacker a heavy smoker half-height drive a midget's sexual capacity hand scanner singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings heap what I drive High density diskette a very stupid floppy home computer what you tell your computer when it follows you hypertext text on amphetamines ink jet a plane used for sky writing integrated circuit a circuit with both black & white components joystick (requires little explanation) local bus stops at every intersection lost chains euphoria experienced by the recently divorced low-level language for basement programmers high-level language for penthouse programmers machine dependency an addiction of machine users mag tape tape used on the wheels of cars mainframe akin to "main squeeze" main memory remembering where the water line is math coprocessor the person you cheated from in math class megaflop the worst play you ever saw minicomputer the peer to Mickey's computer modem what the gardener did to the lawns multi-sync can be sunk more than once native mode head hunting on-line where the birds sit overlay chickens making too many eggs pentium the thing that swings back-and-forth on a clock plotter a deceitful person postscript grafitti on a pole protected memory remembering to wear a condom record locking what you do to your Beatles' White Album right justified vs. wrongly justified software piracy stealing a ship's program spreadsheet a hooker's foreplay streaming tape party decorations subroutine not quite routine surge protector a condom token ring a group of people passing the bong trackball what sprinters and runners often get twisted pair tubes tied word wrap rap music worksheet a prostitutes office Ymodem because, modem